Sathiya Sam 00:01
Because I realized how few resources were out there for people like me, even though I knew I felt alone, admittedly. But I knew in my head I wasn't unlike there's no and the only person struggling. Why aren't more people talking about this stuff? A lot of the lot of the messages you'd hear in local church would be like, you know, pray about it, read your Bible, maybe confess it to somebody, like get an accountability partner, install an internet filter, and those are all great starting points. But they proven to be incomplete solutions in of themselves. And my story certainly is a testament to that. And you know, all the people the hundreds and 1000s of people that we get to work with in influenced or media would say the same.
Laura Howe 00:46
From Hope Made Strong, this is the care ministry podcast, a show about equipping ministry leaders and transforming communities through care. supporting those in your church and community not only changes individuals lives, but it grows and strengthens the church. But we want to do that without burning out. So listen in as we learn about tools, strategies and resources that will equip your team and strengthen hope.
Hey, there I am Laura Howe, and welcome to The Care Ministry Podcast. On the show, today, we are talking with life coach, SaythiaSam, about Overcoming Pornography Addiction. And I was not aware of this. But did you know that 40 million Americans are regular visitors to pornography sites, and that the porn industry's annual revenue is more than the national football, basketball and baseball league combined. It's true. That is a lot of money, and a lot of people engaging in porn. Now, pornography is a problem in our homes, in our churches and our communities. And it's not just an issue for those who don't go to church. In fact, 57% of pastors say that porn addiction is the most damaging issue in their congregation. And 69% Say porn has adversely impacted the church. Pornography impacts both men and women with 55% of married men and 25% of married women say that they watch porn at least once a month. It's been called the new drug. But it's anything but knew. This struggle with porn has been around for a really long time. But there has been a dramatic increase in the last decade because the use of online porn and the accessibility of pornography has skyrocketed with technology and the internet. Most kids today are exposed to porn by age 13 and 84% of males and 57% of females by the ages of 14 or up to 18 have viewed porn already.
Just like any other addictive behavior, porn impacts how the brain functions and how people relate to one another. But we'll talk more on that in a minute.
Well, no one is denying that pornography is a growing concern. There are very few people who are willing to talk about it. Only 7% of pastors say their church has a program to help people who are struggling. This can be for a number of reasons. And I'm sure you can imagine them but one of those reasons are there are not a lot of resources or tools for leaders to help talk about it.
Like a lot of addiction and mental health issues leaders don't want to broach that issue or talk about that topic because they don't want to make it feel worse. They don't want to make it worse or they feel unqualified or they don't have the ability to offer follow up support or perhaps the leaders themselves are struggling. And this was Saythia’s experience he was a Christian he loved God and and he was even pursuing ministry, while at the same time he was struggling with a pornography addiction. He knew it was a sin. He knew it was hurting him and yet it was so hard for him to shake. For years Saythia struggled and with on and off again sobriety.
But after he made a critical discovery, and I'll let him share that part, he found success and has been free ever since it's been over seven years. Sofia now spends his time coaching men and mentoring men from around the world to find new life again, free from porn.
Saythia was a normal kid and growing up in a Christian home in Western Canada and Saskatchewan, he came from a long line of pastors and in typical fashion, he resisted his call to ministry and began pursuing a career in psychology. But it was while he was in school, that he had a come to Jesus moment and he could no longer deny the clear call to ministry on his life.
Sathiya Sam 04:52
Did you feel pressure or a colleague? Yeah,yeah, it was it was resistance as it usually is like, I'll never be a pastor like my dad. And then I studied biology in university and that's where my faith kind of hit the road, like very atheistic environment, kind of mocking the idea of God. And I'm starting to question like, yeah, wait, why do I believe what I believe? So that was the really formative season where I actually discovered my faith in God. And it went to being kind of like a turning point in my life. And pretty shortly after, I was like, okay, you know, Jesus, my life is yours. I'm in pretty shortly after I felt that poll I was I was pursuing Psychiatry at the time, I would have been able to successfully go in that direction, my grades were good enough. I had like a volunteering profile and I had lost a bunch of friends to suicide in high school. So that was the inspiration behind that desire. And I could just feel all the passion shifting. Once I committed my life to Jesus, it was no longer like I would have done fine as a psychiatrist. It's not that I had a disdain for it. But this thing about ministry was like bubbling up. And it reached the point where I just I couldn't ignore it anymore. And I had to kind of cave in to my previous interviews have never been a pastor and never be like my dad answering the call.
Laura Howe 06:05
It's one of those things where I was like, I will never do this. It's like, Oh, careful what you say that because God has a sense of humor.
SathiyaSam 06:15
100% Yeah.
Laura Howe 06:16
So how long were you a pastor? Because right now you're not functioning in like, you're not working within a church now, are you?
Sathiya Sam 06:23
That's correct. Yeah. So I really started in pastoral positions when I was 18. That was like, kind of part time worship, Pastor roles, that sort of thing. Went to ministry school when I was 23. And then was a full time pastor for two years as an assistant pastor, and then worked in the executive offices of a church in Toronto for about four years, before I started doing deep cleaning full time.
Laura Howe 06:48
That's so you've seen the inside you've been a part of the culture of the church and seeing things shift and change. And, and from your experience, did you? Did you notice or see that? People were coming to the church looking for support?
Sathiya Sam 07:05
Oh, all the time? Yeah. Well, I mean, maybe I would answer that with two parts, people were coming to the church that needed support. I don't, I don't know that people always knew the church was a place they could get that support. So it is a little bit of A little bit of B, I think once you're in the mental health practitioner space, you can't not see the need. It's it's written on people's faces, and it's literally everywhere. But I think the as far as like, you know, people thinking like, yeah, I can come to the church and get help. That part was certainly a lot more lackluster. And that that was true across the board, I wound up probably serving in 1,2,3,4, I guess, four or five different organizations, as in my time as a pastor. And I would say that that was pretty much the same in all of them.
Laura Howe 07:55
Wow, that that idea that the church is a place for help. That hurts my heart a little bit, but I would agree with you that, you know, when someone when someone is thinking, I'm struggling, their first indication isn't, oh, I'm gonna go to the church, sometimes it is, but they would maybe attend the church for prayer, or, or support, but maybe not. Express specific needs?
Sathiya Sam 08:26
Yes. Yeah,I would agree with that, I would say. It's, it often just seemed like the church knew that they needed to help, and had no problem offering messages from the pulpit about, you know, your mental well being and those kinds of things. But then, you know, when it actually came to, like, you know, maybe putting some money behind a program or hiring somebody, then it was a little bit of like, a, there was a deficiency there.
Laura Howe 08:51
Yeah, yeah. Wow, let's hope we change that.
SathiyaSam 08:55
100% That's why you exist lower. That's all you're doing what to do.
Laura Howe 09:00
The listeners who are listening are often, you know, most of the people that I've connected to are many of the people I connected to, are saying that I've only been in this role for six months, or my church only hired a year ago, or maybe two or three years ago. So I think there's this transition where the church is recognizing, oh, there, we have a role to play in people's well being and people finding support and help and so I'm glad to hear that. But we have a lot of catching up to do I think, yeah,
Sathiya Sam 09:27
Yeah,I would, I would agree. And that's, I mean, that's always been my vision with my own life is like trying to intersect local church with mental well being. So that's why I like you know, I love what you're doing. And when you reached out and we were able to connect, I was so thrilled because I think it it has to be part of the local church in the future. Otherwise, we're gonna be in dire straits.
Laura Howe 09:48
Yeah, it's time for the church to talk about those hard conversations or maybe the things that we're not comfortable with because our communities and our congregants are struggling with these issues. And so whether It's uncomfortable as leaders, as ministry leaders, as small group leaders, we need to step into those spaces because people are really needing help. And I'm so excited to connect with you, because you are talking about one of the most uncomfortable issues that people have that they feel shame or embarrassment, about. You're talking about Overcoming Pornography Addiction. And I'm so thankful that you are that you're stepping into this space and bringing light to such a huge need.
Sathiya Sam 10:32
Yeah, it's, yeah, it's not necessarily the easiest work in any environment, let alone a church environment like, Laura think about like the different like hoops, you have to jump through just to like, get people to see the significance of mental health in general, and then you think about something as taboo and private as a porn addiction or, you know, sexual sin if you want to broaden it a little bit. Yeah, it's not not easy work at all. Super necessary, though, you know, the prevalence is only on the rise. And the, there's no difference between inside the church or outside the church for the numbers. So that alone tells tells us everything we need to know people are on the pews. They're struggling, and they don't have a lifeline. They don't have a life preserver to get out of really, what are some pretty nasty situations. So yeah, so it's it's not easy work. But I'm, I'm really glad that God's called me to do it. Because we're making a difference in a lot of people's lives.
Laura Howe 11:28
Yeah, yeah. And we're gonna get to your resources and all of what you offer as far as support for people. But I'd love to hear your story about how what brought you to this work? Like, what was it that drew you to? Okay, this is a need, and this is where God's calling me?
Sathiya Sam 11:45
Yeah. So I mean, the the basis of it is I feel like when I look at my upbringing, the environments I grew up in, I should have been the last poor person to have a struggle with pornography. I'm a fourth generation pastor, so grew up in a pastor's home, went to a Christian school, lived a really I was not the rebel pastor's kid, I was the, like the good pastor's kids Sunday School superstar, like really just involved and plugged in and whatever. I got exposed to pornography in the computer lab of my Christian school, and I was 11 years old. And that was sort of the beginning of it all. For me. I wasn't hopelessly addicted overnight, I hadn't even hit puberty yet. I didn't even really understand what I was looking at, if I'm being honest. But it just planted a seed, right. And that's all it really needed to do. That time I was in high school, it was regular. And when I was in university, it was it was I didn't know I was dependent on it. Like that's where it was really became an addiction. And that's the only way I knew how to cope with the cares of life. So the turning point for me was I had given my life to Christ, I'm ready to serve him. I'm feeling a call into ministry now after kind of resisting it for so long. And I'm like, Well, I have to clean up my life. You know, I gave my life to Jesus, I know what comes with the territory, I grew up in church. And I was able to, you know, change my relationship with alcohol and started drinking responsibly, or, you know, I was more or less avoiding it altogether. It's able to clean up my language, no problem. And I knew I had to quit watching porn, and I could not for the life of me do that. And that that was actually the birthplace of what I do now. Because I realized how few resources were out there for people like me, even though I knew I felt alone, admittedly. But I knew in my head, I wasn't unlike there's no and the only person struggling. Why aren't more people talking about this stuff, a lot of the lot of the messages you'd hear in local church would be like, you know, pray about it, read your Bible, maybe confess it to somebody, like get an accountability partner, install an internet filter, and those are all great starting points. But they proven to be incomplete solutions and of themselves. And my story certainly is a testament to that. And you know, all the people, the hundreds and 1000s of people that we get to work with and influence through our media would say the same. So I think that's that was the birthplace of it. It took me years before I finally experienced freedom, I was about five years of earnest effort. Three years, I was just spinning my tires doing the stuff everyone told me to do. And it didn't work. In the last two years, I found out how to actually make some progress, and really get to the root of the issue. And that's when my situation began to change. And that was seven years ago that I had my last relapse. And we've been running pretty hard now trying to help other people through deep clean through our platforms and all that. Yeah, to help other people have the same kind of recovery experience that I did.
Laura Howe 14:26
Yeah. And I read that on your website, you were talking about getting to those deep issues. Are those unique for each person? Or do you find that there is a pattern of what draws or holds people within that addiction?
Sathiya Sam 14:43
So I would say it, it kind of is in broad categories. There's three buckets that most people's root issues land in. But then the specifics are very much nuanced based on the individual. So the three buckets are emotional. So We work with men exclusively, it's probably worth mentioning. So many men in particular are just notorious for not really understanding their inner world, especially the emotions of it. So this is like, show this is anger management and handling stress. Those are the things we obviously think of. But it's also like giving guys a chance to experience grief and sadness, and whatever else. Because these things are often driving a lot of their sexual behavior, they don't realize it. So the emotional part is the first. The second would be to use a more mainstream term trauma, we call it healing of the heart, but it's the same concept. It's the idea that there's parts of your past, either from your upbringing, specific moments dynamics, that have taken place, that have probably built some callousness, and some ears in your heart that need a little bit of tenderizing, a little bit of healing. And so we have a very biblical approach and that our emphasis is really on forgiveness, and repentance. But then, you know, we have a huge value for trauma care, and that kind of stuff as well. And then the third bucket is what I call belief systems. Another word would be identity. And this is really emphasizing how people see themselves. And often, you know, when you do have a 20 year struggle with a porn addiction, your self esteem has kind of eroded along the way. And so we're teaching people to see themselves the way Jesus sees them. And and restoring that. So typically, the roots always fall into, you know, it's either, yeah, they're they're emotionally inept, they have notable trauma or parts of the past that have not been fully addressed. Or they have some, some faulty thinking, some faulty belief systems that that needs some more attention.
Laura Howe 16:35
I think it's really interesting coming, I have worked in addiction for a number of years. And I think it's interesting to note that behavioral addiction and substance addiction have very similar root causes, like, yeah, you know, whether it's shopping, gambling, sex, alcohol, drugs, whatever it is, those root issues, those core three core issues really are at the root of so many things.
Sathiya Sam 17:04
Yeah, yeah. And that's kind of the beauty of taking a biblical approach is like, you can find these sort of tried and tested principles that basically exist in you know, any circumstance, I think that's the evidence that you really found a legitimate principle, which is what we've tried to do in our approach. I think, for me, the fun part about this, like the quote, unquote, fun part is when you get deeper into people's stories, and you realize that two people could have, you know, their their deficiencies are clearly on the identity piece, they, they have really low self worth, they have no confidence, they believe they have all this like inner head trash about who they are. But the reasons they're there, the specifics of it are actually totally different based on their life experiences, and you know, the different stuff they've gone through. And that's the really cool part of this is like that, that's where like God comes in and does his thing, because I can kind of present the principles. But then, as you get deeper into people's stories, it's amazing how how much God cares about those little details and those little intricacies. And that's, that's where you really see people's lives start to change. That's,
Laura Howe 18:06
it really is there's transformation. And we when we start to really address some of these belief systems and heart issues, for sure. And I think that's the same for so many different things like, whether it's a pornography addiction, or, you know, it surfaces in so many different ways for each person, and pornography is there's so much shame around that or secrecy around that. And, you know, and for logic, not logical, but you could understand why. But I would love to hear from you more around that culture, or, you know, what are some of those deep seated things that people are like, I cannot share this, or this is a secret part? Because I'm just thinking of the people who are listening, maybe they're listening for this for themselves? Or maybe they're listening to this as people are coming to me struggling with this and and what is the headspace that people are at when they are ready to talk about this?
Sathiya Sam 19:08
Yeah, it's not it's not necessarily the kindest answer in the world. But usually people have hit a tipping point. Like I was speaking to a group of men group of dads actually earlier this week. And one guy asked a question and to give a bit of context. He said, You know, I've struggled with this for a long time, in 2028 reached a tipping point, I'm doing a lot better now. But that and I said, Oh, well, if you don't mind me asking him what was your tipping point. And he was married for several years and had a one night stand. And it's often like, it is these moments, I think, where people reach out they reach a real rock bottom, and their behavior has escalated. That's always the notable part where people generally if they're on their own volition reaching out to get help in this area. Usually that's what's happened. Now we are on a mission to change that narrative because we're trying to raise awareness of how bad things can get and get ahead. This now before it gets worse and all that kind of stuff, that's our mandate. But I would say, especially in a local church environment, it's very rare that somebody is saying, you know, I have, I have like a five out of 10 conviction about this, I'm gonna go talk to my pastor. It's like, oh, I have a 12 that attend conviction about this, because I just paid for sex on the weekend, or I had an affair or I'm starting to watch content that's kind of disturbing me. And I don't really understand why I'm watching it. Usually, it's it's like the redzone by the time people are actually reaching out and getting help, especially in a local church context.
Laura Howe 20:34
So what are your how could we provide preventative? Or can we provide preventative? What are what are some Is there a role for the church in providing some preventative care? Or, or is this requiring to bubble over and become a crisis point?
Sathiya Sam 20:48
Yeh, there's, there's two things the local church can do. And I'm, I'm so wildly passionate about the local churches is why I love what you're doing, the first thing the local church can do is talk about it. So that's the main problem is like, when people think I'm struggling with porn, they don't think I'm gonna go to my local church, just like any other mental illness like we were talking about. Right. So that's, that's a problem. And I think the reason that it's not being discussed from the pulpit is the second thing that the local church can do, which is help their leaders and pastors included get the help that they need in this area, because we're kidding ourselves. If we think that leaders themselves aren't struggling, in fact, I could give you a list of hundreds of guys in our program, who when we've said, Okay, if you're gonna do our program, what's on the other side of this for you, church leadership, church leadership, church leadership, but so many of them keep their butts in the pews because they don't feel qualified, they don't feel worthy. And I would say in most cases, rightfully so they probably should have this more under control. But the point, the point is that the local church is the place that they're going to get that help, even though they want to serve in the local church, but they can't. And I think, I think being able to equip leaders, giving pastors places to get healing as well, pastors experienced the same stresses in life, everybody else does. And they, they need just as much help as anybody else, if not more, because it's so nuanced what they go through. And so I think if we had more healthy healed up leaders in this area, it would probably lead to being able to talk about it more from the pulpit. And so I think those two things are the things that I'm dreaming about for the local church. And what I'd love to see in the future. There are some great options out there, even right now, like celebrate, recovery is a little bit broader. But that would be an example of something that at least is like heading in this direction. There's an organization called pure desire, and they have offered a lot of local church resources, there's groups that can run other churches and stuff like that. So there are some things out there that that I think, are at least make it a little bit easier for churches to at least start a branch or offer something in their own building. But those are the two main things that I'd love to see the local church kind of, I guess, head towards in this area.
Laura Howe 22:58
It's, it's good, because we want to talk about it, but the leaders won't talk about it if they have a conviction of it. Yeah, there's Yeah, like that barrier. If we want to talk about it, are you able to share kind of, what does the Bible say so about about this issue, because people are like, Okay, if I want to talk about this on a Sunday morning, if I want to be able to, you know, do a small group or a breakout session or webinar, or, you know, anything that a church can, can provide, it's, it needs to be, okay, the foundation's in the Word of God and give some scriptures to kind of base everything off of what would you say you go to scriptures are things that you found in the word that that undergird some of the some of this conversation?
Sathiya Sam 23:42
Yeah, that's a fantastic question. So I would say a couple of things. Like, we like I said, we can have the three buckets and I think each of those buckets have different scriptures. Like if you think about like the emotional part of it, like guard your heart above all else, for from it flow, the issues of life, trauma and for like when it comes to things like forgiveness, like there's no shortage of scriptures. I think this the stuff that we really tried to bring to the table that maybe is a bit different is the identity piece. So for example, you have you have scriptures like Colossians three, where it kind of lays out like, like the put the death whatever belongs to your earthly nature, right? Sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil, desires, greed, etc, etc. And we kind of read that and we're like, okay, yeah, it's the laundry list of like, the things I'm not supposed to do. If you keep reading that scripture, it goes on to talk about how you, you were to put on the new self, which is renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. And it's kind of emphasizing two big things there. Number one is how you see yourself like it, like put on the new self see yourself the way God sees you, but then you renew it based on how well or how accurate your images of Christ and I think if you're trying to instill something more biblical in a local church, the first thing for sure is really emphasize The intimate relationship with Jesus. And, you know, as as maybe like, I don't know, maybe that sounds a bit cliche, but it is the honest truth. Like when people really build intimacy with Christ, especially when they can do it at a know, like an emotional level, they're working through trauma, some of the things we talked about, when Jesus is involved in all of those parts of your life, something really does change in the heart of the individual. And it's a really beautiful thing to see. The second thing would be, there's a scripture, it's James five, confess your sins to one another, that you may be healed. And the context of that scripture is really talking about confessional to leadership. But if we were to broaden that, just even a little bit, community is clearly the the incubator for recovery. It's very, very clear. And that's true if you if you go deeper into scripture, but it's also true, if you look at the research, the the kind of idiom from a lot of the research in this space, which is quite limited, is that the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it's connection. Yes. And that's something that we tout quite a bit in our different channels. Because the more connected you are, the stronger your sense of community is, the better the better off you are. And the more likely you are not only to achieve your desired outcome, which in our case is gain for your pornography, you're more likely to sustain it. And that's that's as kingdom as it gets is having something that's going to be long term, multigenerational changing your lineage. Like those things are also critical. And without that communal element, it's really hard for people to actually sustain their results.
Laura Howe 26:35
And you provided example of small groups or things I talked about, like Celebrate Recovery, being abroad, addressing you know, those hang ups, and pure desire, but you also do this in your, in your coaching and in your deep clean programs, don't you?
Sathiya Sam 26:52
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, we, I used to do a lot more one on one, that's kind of how I started out. And then I basically, my schedule was just full. And I decided to turn to groups to kind of keep up with it. And then we got to the groups and everybody's laughing. And they're making jokes with each other. And I'm like, Oh, my one on one sessions, were never this fun. Like, clearly something's going on here. Yeah, it's actually better. And, again, this was before I really understood the research and some of these underlying dynamics. So we just, I just made a decision, everything we do will have groups. And so we're very strong community. And a lot of the people that do our program, end up making friends for life. They Yeah, some of them even meet up in person. Some of them you have different ends of the world, they'll travel to meet up with each other. A lot of them still keep in touch afterwards. Some of them have regular calls and keep each other accountable. So yeah, I mean, our programs a great example of that. And even like we're super active with our with our podcast, we do daily podcast, and even listeners of the podcast, we're starting to see some like some cross pollination happening there and people checking in with each other. And hey, you listen to like, there's little like pockets that are being formed. So sometimes it happens naturally. Sometimes it's set. But either way, that community piece is totally vital for what we do.
Laura Howe 28:04
It's great, because you you have a specific audience, you lead men leaders who are Christian, is it faith based? Yeah, yeah, it is faith based men who are who are leaders who want to overcome pornography. And so I love that you're really clear about who you're serving, because then there's safety in the community, they know that there's other people who are in the same spot as them who are, you know, walking side by side facing the same challenges and you know, it can be really helpful to have that encouragement.
Sathiya Sam 28:39
Yeah. And the more taboo the issue is, I think the more impactful it is to see other people with the same struggle, like we have a part of our system is like, you know, two days in once someone's on their first call, we just check in with them to see how they're doing and whatever because there's a lot of jitters and a lot of things come up in that that first little part. And almost like I don't know it's like clockwork we almost always hear guys say, Man on that first call. Like I just I thought I was the only one I thought I was going to join a call if guys had it all figured out. I was going to be ostracized for being so weak and so bad in my situation. I had no idea like it was so refreshing to just know there's other guys out there who yes sure they're struggling and we can be united on that front. But to like we invested our time our money our energy into doing something about this that is so cool. And that's that's incredibly unifying. Like it feels like you're part of something bigger than yourself as you're going after this. And that's Yeah, it's like pouring gas on the recovery fire. It's it's really powerful.
Laura Howe 29:38
And I'm excited to to introduce you to so many people today because I truly believe that, you know, we want to serve and support people but we want to do that not burnt out or we want to address some of the issues in ourselves, like you said as ministry leaders were people to and face the same struggles and the same temptations and and the stress and the pressure and The overwhelming so if you're listening to this and you're like, Oh man, like this is an area that has always been a struggle with me then know that there is a safe place that you can go to, to seek help. So that you're able to be healthy and lead a lead a healthy church,
Sathiya Sam 30:20
a 100%. And I think, like the way I see church leaders, whether you're actually a pastor or not, you're a shepherd, you know, and God's giving you a flock that you're responsible for. And I think a lot of people just aren't able to take their flocks to these places of sexual integrity and whatever else because they don't have access to themselves. And so I know, and I don't mean that in like a critical or condemning way, I just mean, I think if you're a leader, or if you want longer to be a leader, this is one of the best things you can do not only for your own sake, but for the sake of those people that God is going to entrust you with. Because we were seeing it publicly, like how many people are not tending to this area of their life, and how their lives are blowing up in front of the entire world as a result, and how devastating that is right, not only to their families and their loved ones, but in some cases, you're talking about millions of people that have trusted a person and have been let down as a result. So there's, there's a great responsibility there. And it's a great opportunity for people to step more into their God given leadership calling
Laura Howe 31:19
for sure. So for people who are interested in knowing more learning more looking into this, can you share with where people can find you?
Sathiya Sam 31:27
Yeah, so like I mentioned, we have a daily podcast called UNLEASH THE MAN within, and you know, over 500 episodes there. So we've talked about pretty much everything under the sun. And we found that to be a really good resource, I think whether you're you yourself are struggling, or maybe you know, people who are struggling, it's just it's like giving somebody like a huge library and sort of saying, hey, whatever it is you're struggling with, you can start here. So I think that's a great starting point, if people want to go a little bit more in depth, I wrote a book called The Last relapse. And that's sort of our recovery system. So if people don't have the money to do a course, we just say do the book, it's actually available for free, it's just my gift. It's my way of kind of giving back after all God's given to me. And so people can get a free copy at the last relapse book.com. And again, another great resource to have in your tool belt if you're helping others. And if you're struggling yourself, then by all means, do the book, follow everything that comes with a free workbook and some other resources. And it should be really helpful for people.
Laura Howe 32:21
I love that put like, save that bookmark that or copy that link to be able to share with others low access to barrier free, but yet some great resources. I love that. So Safia, knowing what you know, today gone through your journey of recovery now helping others and and knowing more the research and how you know, those three buckets? What would you tell your past self? In those early years? If you could go back, send yourself a voicemail or an email? What would you tell yourself in those early years,
Sathiya Sam 32:54
I would just say do the hard things first, and stop beating yourself up. So I think the the appeal to me of like internet filters as an example was that it was such an easy fix. It cost me 10 bucks a month. And I just had to install it in about two minutes. And I think sometimes we downplay the enormity of these situations. And I that's exactly what I was doing. There was a part of me that thought is there's probably going to be more to it than this. But let's let's let's hope that this does the trick. So I wish I would have done the hard things first. And then we we have like a mantra, which is that a mistake made once as a mistake, a mistake make twice as a choice. And I think I think sometimes I was just a little bit too, I was a little bit too hard on myself, I would make a mistake. And I'd be like, Oh, come on Cynthia, you know, and I go into the self deprecating cycle. And that's how I would sort of like feel good about myself again, or I would I would confess, and I would repent before God on my knees, that kind of thing. And just being able to be kind to myself and be like, Okay, people make mistakes, I made a choice, I have a chance to learn from this instead. And really, like just exhibiting a lot of self compassion. It changed a lot of my thought life, which eventually changed a lot of my behaviors. And I think those are the two things I would have loved to have latched on to early, probably could have saved myself a couple of years of recovery if I'm being honest. Yeah,
Laura Howe 34:13
that thank you so much. I'm excited to have more people engage with your staff. And, and talking about and bringing it to light the the need to support people who are struggling with pornography. So thank you so much for for joining us today.
Sathiya Sam 34:29
It was my pleasure, Laura. Thank you.
Laura Howe 34:32
Hey, thanks for listening. I love talking with Sathiya because the issue of pornography is often considered a problem for other people, not those in the church and certainly not for ministry leaders and pastors.
And yet it is ministry leaders are human too and struggle just like everyone else. And so I am so grateful for the work of Sathiya and others who are willing to share their story so that others can find freedom, if you can relate to it. to his stories to save your story, I encourage you to connect with him.
And I'll make sure all of those links that he talked about his podcast, his book, about small group and a way to connect with him are all mentioned are all linked in the show notes. I hope you've enjoyed listening to this episode and provides you with support and tools to serve your community. Thanks and take care
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
